OK then…it seems you can stay in your Mr Fluffy home in Canberra if you really want to, but there are some conditions.

Just a few simple hoops for you to jump through.

Get on down to Katmandu and buy some big bulky jackets and arctic proof sleeping bags because you won’t be able to use the heater.  You’ll be fine…just move around a bit more and do some star jumps in the lounge room every 10 minutes.  Just be careful when you’re doing them not to disturb anything that may be in the roof cavity.

You’ll have to seal all of the light switches and door frames. And, I like the one about the sliding doors. You have to seal cavity sliding doors in an open position.  Could be a problem if it’s an external door, particularly if you’re not allowed to turn the heater on.

If you had a cellar…well you don’t anymore. Forget about the cellar and anything it, it must be sealed and you are never to return.

People are allowed to visit you….however, you must inform them all before they enter exactly what they’re getting themselves into.

I’m not making this up.  You will have a script that you’ll have to read to anyone intending setting foot into your asbestos infected hell hole.canberra suburbs

There are a few other conditions.

If you want to stay living in your Mr Fluffy house, you have to change your surname by deed poll to Fluffy so that you can be addressed as Mr, Mrs, Miss or Ms Fluffy…or perhaps Doctor Fluffy, Professor Fluffy, Father Fluffy or Sgt Fluffy. The Government is doing this to save money on the mailouts.

And you’ll  have to purchase Ebola Medico style suits that are to be worn by you whenever you mix with the rest of the community.

Ok, so I made those last few things up, but it’s pretty clear to me that although the Government is saying that this whole buyback scenario is voluntary, if you want to stay in your house it’s going to be a prison far worse than the Alexander Machonochie Centre.